How many times have you promised yourself to do something or start with something new but in the end you didn’t do it, because of your insecurity? How much of your life have you believed that you are insecure and that you can’t do certain things? What is that failure based story that you keep telling yourself that keeps you insecure and at the same place you’ve always been? Your insecurity is blocking you from what you really want most in life.

What would it be like if you had the tools to transform your insecurity and do what you really want? In this blog I would like to talk to you about what insecurity actually is and give a new perspective on it and what you can do to turn your insecurities around so they won’t block you from having or doing what you really want.

 

What is insecurity?

When you think of insecurity, it most probably triggers an emotion that you have been associating with insecurity and you start to analyze that feeling and you think about all the experiences you’ve had that have made you feel insecure. It is an almost automatic reaction, you can’t seem to stop.

But when we see the word ‘insecurity’  and start to see it for what it really is, the perspective changes, it actually will become something you can understand and manage.

In – secure states that you are not secure about the outcome. For example, when you start something new or do something you have never done before or have never done successfully, you are in- secure about what is going to happen. When you have done something a million times, it is not likely that you feel insecure about it, right

In-security is the uncertainty of knowing the outcome

In opposition to insecurity, you can also look at being secure. This is something we most want in our lives, it makes us feel safe and we can trust it. That’s why we hate to feel insecure so much. Because of our survival instinct. But in this life you have, you will not likely really be so unsafe that your fear/ insecurity has any survival function anymore. Mostly our insecurities are just a story we tell ourselves because we are uncertain about the outcome.

Let’s say that you are about to do something you have never done before and you are doing it alone.

  • For example, going to an event you would like to attend, but feel insecure about going to.
  • You are about to meet someone for the first time and you feel insecure about how they are going to feel about you – on a date or with someone you admire.
  • You are starting a new vlog/blog and you feel super insecure if people would want to listen to what you have to say.
  • Or you have never done a physical challenge like walking the Camino, and you feel insecure if you will finish and if you will survive that many km’s. (survival instinct of insecurity)

Exaggeration is a big part of our insecure thoughts, because not knowing means we can only use our imaginations to get a picture about how it’s going to be.  Insecurity is rarely based on facts and feeds of off our negative representations of our perceived reality.

Now think of your own situation before heading to the solutions you can apply to overcome your insecurity.

 

Train yourself and start small

The first thing you can do, to feel less insecure about a new thing you are going to do, it to turn it into something smaller and start to practice. Train yourself how to do that something new in a setting that is less scary. For example, when you are insecure about doing a public speech, you start to practice in front of the mirror and then for your family or a group of friends. That way you can show yourself there is nothing to be afraid of and you slowly start to see your insecure feelings melt away.

All new things seem a bit scary, but once you have gone the first times it will get better.

Starting small in the examples I mentioned is like this. You could see yourself go to an event that is close to home or in a smaller setting. Although I remember, going to my first events alone I liked it that it was just to go dancing and everything was kinda individual. I could come and go whenever I wanted. Do what feels comfortable to you. And remember, practice makes perfect. And you can give yourself compliments for every hurdle that you take.

Make sure you keep challenging yourself and keep going bigger and bigger. It is an easy way out, to stay with the small steps. So just a warning here, don’t do that! Go for what you really, really want!

 

Familiarize yourself with the possible outcomes

Once you know the outcome it is going to be okay, the insecurity diminishes. Am I right? Another thing you can do it to think about all the possible outcomes and choose the one that is most likely to occur or that feels ‘less scary’.

Going to an event that you have never been to before. That could go like this.

  1. You will go to the event and find out it is a total scam or a flop.
  2. You will meet or talk to nobody and return home empty handed.
  3. You might talk to 1 or 2 people and follow the course that you signed up for.
  4. You will get to the door, meet another person that is there alone and you will go to the course together and exchange numbers to do this again sometime.
  5. You will have a great time and even hang around after the course ends with some fun people.

Either outcome is possible. So also write down the outcomes that you are most afraid of. Then start to add the things you wish would happen. Then try to visualize what the most desired outcome will be and so on…

You will start to feel more empowered as you do this. Make sure you end with the most powerful and most desired outcome when you make your list.

Familiarizing yourself could also mean that you find out more information about the people going, or about the event or about your date, or whatever new situation you are going towards and feel insecure about. The more you know about the outcome, the less insecure you will feel.

 

Confident girl choosing her own path - Ananda Soul travel

Step into who you want to be

This last step is probably the most life-changing tool that you will get from this blogpost. Get acquainted with the person you want to be and start acting like that person.

When you see yourself in the most desired outcome of your possible outcomes, there is something inside you that feels different. Am I right? You feel confident and more open and probably there is not much left of your insecurity. If you would know in advance that a situation would turn out exactly as you hoped it would be, you will feel strong and confident.

I want you to start seeing yourself like the person you are going to be a year from now when you have been taking on the small challenges and have decided to start doing the things you have always wanted to do. You have been going to these events, have a bunch of good experiences meeting new people or going on fun dates. Or you have been training for that physical challenge for a year and you just recently finished (and survived) your Camino or any other challenge. How would that make you feel?

Make a very clear picture of yourself and your circumstances, but especially how this change has made you feel? You look at yourself in the mirror and see a totally changed person. You see a person that is confident and happy about herself. A person that is not hiding from the world anymore and going after what she really wants most in life. You are the person that you have always wanted to be.

See yourself as the person you have always wanted to be

Describe this ‘new you’ the best you can.

Now start to feel like her. What is the advice she is giving you about the things you can start doing today? What would she do if she was you?

She will make that appointment with that cute guy, pick up the phone to have a first conversation. She will go to the event that she has been longing to go to for the last months. Even if there is nobody there she will have had the experience and can feel proud about that. She will start recording video’s and write templates about what to blog/ vlog about and find a way how she can start making a difference in someone’s life today! She will start training for the physical challenge that is ahead and set her mind to wanting to finish that Camino.

Getting into the skin of your ‘new self’ is definitely going to help you overcome some of your insecurities. Especially the ones that were based on really ‘old stories’ and situations that you just could not have known the outcome of.

 

Spiritual perspective to overcome insecurity

There is also a  more spiritual perspective on insecurity.  But first I needed to let you see insecurity in a different light, make it manageable. In the last tips, you have gotten you to know now exactly what you can do to manage your insecurity.

You are so much more than just your insecure feelings.

Feeling insecure and that insecurity has been blocking you from the life you really want, is just a story. It means you have been identifying too much with the ‘story about you’, instead of connecting to the part that is ALL that you can be.

When I look at my insecurity I see it as a part of my past, present and future. It is totally okay for me that these feelings come up once in a while. It means that I’m doing ‘new things’ and that I’m growing. If I would not feel insecure for a long time, it means I’m in my comfort zone.

Looking at my insecurity as part of who I am, has turned that insecurity into my Authentic Power. I don’t need the insecurity to take charge of my life, because I AM responsible for my life. But the insecurity can also be there, as part of the journey. It is just one of the emotions that need to be expressed and wants me to be safe.

Free meditation training to turn your insecurity into your authentic powerIf you would like to learn a meditation to Turn your Insecurity into your Authentic Power and make a shift in your perspective on insecurities in general, make sure you subscribe to my free training. It will help you grow into the person you always wanted to be.

Let me hear your thoughts on insecurity and how these tips have helped you see things differently. And let me know if the free training is something you would like to do. I’ll be here if you have any questions, please leave a comment below and I will answer them personally. Thank you for your honest opinion and for being open about your insecurities. Being honest and open is the key to learning and growing.

Namasté.

Love, Nanda

 

 

 

  1. I have no questions on the overall topic as this a good topic that more people need to be made aware of. My discussion on the topic would be that its unfortunate that people have insecurities and it stops them from doing what they love but most of all it stops them from being happy. Everyone deserves happiness. My experience would have to be that of my wife, she is very confident in herself and in her profession (she has to be) that it wears off on me as well as other people and people need that. More confidence and someone who has that and be around positive energy. I want the best for everyone and starting off small is a good start. Great tips and information here that can help lots of people. 

    • Thanks for reading Trevor 

      Being a confident person can give others more confidence, yet mostly it makes an insecure person even more aware of their flaws. I sincerely hope that you help people grow and believe in themselves. Compliments are miracle makers. Here people can find a way not to be stopped by their insecurities. we all have them. It’s honesty and giving it your acceptance that makes it manageable and doesn’t make you stop for something you believe in. 

  2. Great article,

    yes, this is probably the biggest problem for a lot of people. At least this is what happens with me. I want to quit my job because I think i can achieve more in my life without that job.. but that job is secure for me, and every 8th in month I get my salary.. And I am afraid of losing that job if i dont make it in my life.. We don’t need to be feared of everything.. if you work hard, it should pay off.. I hope that I will get that confidence and finally quit it and start my own job.. What do you think? Is it worth of risking secure job for something a bit risky but with much more possibilities to have success in my life.. ?

    • Hi Petar, Thank you for admitting to your insecurities. It takes courage to face those feelings. I told you in the post that you shouldn’t let your insecurities lead your life nor should you ignore them. These feelings are guiding you. In the case that you want to quit your job, think about those outcomes. Probably you’ll invite even bigger challenges of insecurities. Starting your own business always comes with those feelings. I suggest you first learn to manage the feelings that are blocking you. When you feel strong enough to make the leap that freedom lifestyle will still be waiting for you. 

      Good luck dear Petar. I hope you will find your way of dealing and healing your insecurities. 

  3. This is a very interesting and important topic to discuss. I know that for myself many times, you may have insecurities and not even really be aware of it. I totally agree though that any situation or insecurity that you may have, could just be a new step in the path of life since life is about change. Although insecurity is not a good thing, in this sense, it can bring out the better in an individual. One example may be relationships. If you’re in a previous relationship that you failed at, you may be in secure at starting a new relationship. Although your previous experience probably helped you learn something, you shouldn’t let the previous situation control future decisions, which I’m sure a lot of individuals have done. On the other hand though concerning relationships, you probably want to be discerning enough or guarded to not have to face a similar situation. I guess in a way, being insecure could come from being overly cautious. Learning from previous experiences and changing for the better from our insecurities should be the goal. 

  4. Wow! Great article – very well thought out. I truly wish I could have read this a long time ago. Maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here in my current situation. I’ve always been full of insecurity, but it does actually have a source that I can point to in my past. Nonetheless, that situation is long over. I should be able to move on now.
    Thanks for the encouragement. I’m going to try some of your suggestions. Best wishes for all

    • Hi Cathy, Thanks for your coming out and congratulations that you’ve overcome your insecurities. Would you mind telling us what you have done to overcome your insecurities and how you got to where you are now? I hope the advice serves you. Step into the person you really want to be and take small steps, so you will show yourself you are not your ‘old insecure you’ anymore. Good luck, Nanda

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